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Hey Guys,

It finally happened - I ended up with an infection while my counts were low :-(

I woke up on Friday feeling REALLY crappy, with a little bit of a high temperature (99.4). I went to a piano lesson, and then spent the rest of the day on the couch with the hope that my temp would stay below a fever (100.5), but, alas, by 11 pm I'd hit around 101. I wanted to wait until the morning to go in, but my mom packed me up and her & Andrew took me into the emergency room. By the time we got there, my fever had reached almost 102. They hooked me up to a bunch of machines to keep track of my pulse & blood pressure, but the machines kept going off because my pulse was so high (over 130!!!) because of my fever... We talked to a bunch of different doctors, and they FINALLY admitted me onto the Hem/Onc floor around 6 am - we'd let Andrew go home around 3 or 4 (spending the night in the emergency room is the worst thing ever. My mom and I basically didn't sleep for 24 hours, which is especially crappy when you're sick or your kid is sick)

I was really, really upset to have to spend the night in the hospital - I'd gone my entire 6 months of treatment without having to spend a single night, and as soon as I was finished I had to be admitted.

Tom Jaworek was in hospital at the same time, but he'd already been in a lot longer - he'd been admitted about a week ago, also for an infection (but I'm pretty sure his was a lot worse) and is staying until this weekend getting his chemo - he'll be done before Christmas, and I think both of our families will be relieved when we're both finished with everything!

I had hoped that somehow my doctors might let me go home in the morning, but when they came in for rounds on Saturday morning, they told me that I had to stay in for at least 48 hours until my blood cultures came back negative for blood infections. They also wanted me to stay in until my counts started going back up, because even though I'd started recovering from my last round of chemo, the infection had knocked my counts back to neutropenia (very low).

Saturday, Andrew came back to relieve my mom so she could go home and sleep, but later in the evening, my mom brought Brian by to visit, along with some movies. We had a little movie night and ate some DELICIOUS roast beef that my dad had made in the crock pot (my dad couldn't visit because he had a cough). Saturday night, I stayed by myself, but I called Tom in his room and we talked for awhile. We weren't allowed to visit with each other because we had both been admitted for infections (if we'd been in for chemo or something, we would have been allowed to visit with each other, but since we'd both been sick, they didn't want us passing anything back & forth)

Sunday, my mom came back a little after 9 so she could be there for rounds, and my doctors told me that I could go home at the 48 hour mark - which would be around 1 am, but they would let me go home since we live so close to the hospital. That afternoon, my mom went home for a little bit and I did some studying and read a bunch of magazines that she bought me. When she came back before dinner, we went down to the gift shop and to get some coffee so I could get out of my room and walking around a little bit (there's not much space to walk around in the rooms). We wanted to invite Tom, but his light was off so we thought he was sleeping - later on we found out that he always keeps his light off, so I felt a little bad since he has to spend a lot of time alone in the hospital since his sisters are away at college & both of his parents work.

After my bloodwork came back, my nurse came in to tell me that she'd talked to the on-call doctor, and they were letting me leave a little early - I could be released at midnight instead of waiting until 1 am (since my fever had been gone since early Saturday morning, they were figuring I didn't have any blood infections) - I was SO happy!

My mom took a couple pictures on our adventure down to the gift shop & cafeteria:

Apparently, there are a lot of irresponsible/semi-unfit parents at Children's. So many, in fact, that they post signs around declaring that Children's Hospital is a "no-hitting zone." At first, I thought this meant that kids weren't supposed to hit doctors & nurses during procedures, but when I read the sign more closely, I found out that it's actually telling parents not to hit their sick kids... In retrospect, I probably shouldn't be smiling so much about that...

This Santa is really creepy - it sings REALLY, REALLY loud. If I were a kid, I'd be scared of it. Actually - I was scared of it. I went up close to take a look, and it started singing, and I SCREAMED! I screamed so loud that a guy walking by started cracking up... Notice the lovely pole with IV antibiotics and fluids that I had to drag around with me everywhere... Very stylish...

In better news, I talked to my nurse today and they're so confident that I'll have clean scans that they've already scheduled my port-removal. I'll be de-ported (haha) on December 21st at 2:15 pm. I'll be done with EVERYTHING before Christmas!!! I can't believe it! I'm so excited to be done with all of this nonsense before the new year. By the time I go back to school, I should be all healed and it'll be all behind me!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

FINALLY DONE!

Hey Guys,

Sorry it's taken so long to get this up, but my final treatment really kicked my butt! I barely got off the couch at all on Tuesday or Wednesday, and was in all day Monday because we had a meeting and then for some reason things kept getting delayed.

Instead of having my appointment at 8:30 am (which is when my appointments usually were), I had my appointment at 2 pm so we could meet with all of my doctors (and Brian's doctors) to kind of figure out a plan for the future.

Originally, they put me in the TINIEST room possible - an infusion room, which is usually used when a kid is just getting a quick infusion of something (an hour or less). Check out how crowded my giant brothers and my mom were in the corner of this tiny, tiny room (keep in mind I'm sitting in a dentists' chair barely a foot away from them!)

We had to fit my dad (who was out in the hallway waiting) plus three doctors and at least one nurse in the room for the meeting, so there's no way that was going to work! Fortunately, they were able to move me within a half hour so we didn't have to suffocate in the tiny room!

Part of being treated at Children's is that they have a great Child Life department that brings games and toys and gifts to kids for special occasions. For example, on my birthday they brought me a manicure set with hand lotions and really nice cream. And for my LAST CHEMO, they brought me a giftcard to Walmart so I can get myself anything that I'd like - I can't wait to go pick something out!!

I spent most of the afternoon reading a really fantastic book called Forever (I can't remember the author, but you should definitely try and find it... SO GOOD!)

My mom and I had eaten before we got to the hospital, but expected to be in and out pretty quickly (which didn't happen) so we ended up getting pretty hungry. My mom ran down to the cafeteria and brought back all kinds of "party" goodies that we wouldn't normally eat - chocolate covered donuts (my favorite snack) and cheddar chex-mix type stuff. I had to hurry up and eat mine before I started feeling nauseous, so I didn't savor it as much as I should have, but it was delicious nonetheless!

(yes, I am wearing a Where the Wild Things Are tshirt...)

As I was finishing up, Dr. Adams and Debbie came in to congratulate me - Dr. Adams even sang and did a little dance, but I totally wasn't expecting it, so I didn't have my camera ready, otherwise there would be a wonderful video of my oncologist doing her "Happy Last Chemo" dance!

(this picture was taken just post-dancing)

Starting to feel pretty sick from the end of the drugs, and totally ready to go home...

It was so amazing to get deaccessed for the last time - I think the only thing that will feel better will to finally get my port taken out. My nurse (Katie) was super-cool and just pulled the tape off as fast as she could (I've never had a problem with the tape hurting so I always get annoyed when it takes SO LONG for them to pull it off slowly!) and she also pushed the flush really fast so that it wouldn't taste as bad as long (the flushes they use make my mouth taste like rubbing alcohol and alway push me close to the edge of vomiting)

Monday night, I basically laid on the couch and slept it off - I was feeling pretty awful and not really wanting to go anywhere or talk to anyone. Apparently people were calling to see how I was doing, but I don't remember anyone calling!

Tuesday I felt REALLY awful, but I went to my piano lesson anyway, which was a little bit of a disaster. I played OK, but since I was on so much medication for the nausea, I couldn't quite focus on anything that my teacher was saying. I'm just practicing extra hard now to make up for it for next week!

Tuesday night I also noticed that my eyebrows and eyelashes started falling out A LOT! I'm hoping that they won't all fall out, but they're falling out more and more after each shower. The good news in, my hair will (hopefully) start growing back in soon, so there won't be much of a gap for my naked eyes...

Tonight I'm on my way out to celebrate a little bit downtown with some friends, so hopefully I'll be posting some pictures of that in the next few days!

Thank you all for all of your support!!!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Still Sick...

Hey Guys,

I'm still feeling pretty sick from yesterday, which is worrying me about next week's treatment. I think a lot of it has to do with me thinking about it too much, and maybe a little bit of a punishment for me being so excited about being finished!

Today my mom & I got to have lunch with our friend Sarah, who works for Children's. We've known her for a long time, and she had Hodgkin's when she was about my age (she's in her late 20's now) and just had her first baby six weeks ago! She brought him to breakfast with her, and he's so adorable and extremely well-behaved - he hardly made a sound the entire time, and basically slept (with a few little quiet wake-ups). He looks like her, too - his hair is strawberry blondish (what hair he has) and she thinks it looks like it might end up being curly. I love babies, but I definitely wouldn't be ready to take care of one full-time right now. Babysitting is always fun, though...

I got to go to class today, but I was feeling really drowsy, so I can't really remember much of what we talked about - I'm glad I always take really detailed notes, and that my final is going to be awhile after my last treatment so I can kind of regain my focus. I miss not having trouble remembering lots of details in my history classes! Although, I have been getting A's on all of my exams and essays in my French Civ class - I'm a little worried about my German Song class because the entire grade is based off of the oral final at the end of the semester. I think I'll do OK though. I really love history, so it's never too much of a chore to study for my history classes.

I had kind of a bad piano lesson - I hadn't practiced as much as I should have, and I haven't been practicing the way I should have been. We spent most of the lesson playing through just a few measures, and my teacher gave me a new way to practice that should make my practicing more efficient and productive. I have to play in a studio class in early December, so I really need to start practicing more every day so I can play well in the class. My teacher's assigned me a song I really like, so that's not too bad. I think we need to get our piano tuned, though, because (even though my relative pitch is very off) it sounds so much different when I play in my lessons or the CCM practice rooms vs playing on the piano at home. I used to practice on Brian's keyboard, but then he got the flu, so I'm not really supposed to go in his room much, and I prefer to play a "real" piano anyway - it's easier to make songs sound more musical (at least for me)

Hope you all are well with the beginning of flu season!

Lots of Love,
Lauren

Almost Finished!

Hey Guys,

So today I had my second to last treatment, and it was pretty rough. I started getting nauseous on my way to the hospital - I think it was a psychosomatic thing. Just anticipating the treatment is starting to make me feel sick, so that makes me even more happy that I'm almost done.

For some reason, the IV kytril didn't work getting rid of my nausea, and I had hoped that if I ordered lunch it might go away, but no luck. It took a few different pills (including zofran and pill kytril) and some ginger tea before I started feeling relatively normal.

I got a little bit of a surprise today - when my dad stopped by to drop off some lunch for my mom, he ran into the dad of a girl I graduated from high school with. Her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer recently, and they were at Children's because their daughter who's Brian's age has been having migraines. Once she was done with her appointment, they stopped by to visit, which was really nice! We got to hang out for a little bit, and it was good that they stopped by because I had wanted James to visit, but he wasn't allowed since the flu restrictions were put in place.

Child Life (the program that supplies toys & things to kids in the hospital) has kind of stopped visiting me since I never ask for anything from them. However, we were in Kroger the other night and found the most AWESOME Disney Princess coloring book that came with 600 stickers. I'm in the process of coloring pictures for all of my friends... I forgot how much I love coloring!!!

This weekend I went up to Cleveland and had a really great time seeing all of my friends - Marina came over on Friday night and stayed in my apartment. We went out to dinner with some of the girls, and then watched The Proposal and drank wine with Erin. Saturday morning, Marina and I had brunch at First Watch in Crocker Park and visited the farmer's market. I ended up going over to Oberlin & hanging out with Matt for a little bit, but I didn't get to see him long since his parents were in town. That night, I FINALLY got to hang out with Josh - it was so wonderful to see him after so long! We ended up at the bar (where another drunk guy kept rubbing my head!) and then went back to my apartment with Erin and watched The Matrix Reloaded (which is a terrible movie). Sunday I got to have lunch with Gene and then drove home. We had dinner at my grandparents, which was SO delicious - ham with green beans, AND a  roast, plus tons of veggies and an apple tart and a pumpkin pie.

I can't wait for the week to go by so I can finally be finished with all of this nonsense!!!

Lots of Love,
Lauren

Flu Flu Flu

Hey Guys,

Sorry it's been a couple days! We've been pretty laid up here - Brian ended up HAVING H1N1, so we're both on the lovely Tamiflu. I got a cough and a sore throat a couple of nights ago, but fortunately it's started to go away since being on the prescription.

We've been trying to get out of the house a little bit, especially for Brian's sake, since he was stuck literally in bed for a few days. Yesterday, we ventured out in the rain during the afternoon to Shaw Farm, a pumpkin farm about 20 minutes away from our house. We've been going there since I was a little kid, and I love going to pick out pumpkins! We were basically the only people there - there was another family with a couple really little kids, but we purposely went during the school day so we wouldn't run into many people.

Today we went out to Rouster's, an apple farm nearby that's been around for ages - my mom went there when she was a kid! We bough tons of their special strain of apples, homemade cider, and apple butter. It was fantastic! Apples are my favorite part of fall - especially locally grown delicious ones!

I'm going to be stuck at home a lot this week - my counts dropped yesterday, so I'm especially nervous about getting sick. I'm hoping that some of my friends will be able to stop by the house and visit, especially since I can't go out on Halloween! I'm not sure what I'm going to do - maybe have a bonfire, because I really love s'mores, and I haven't had a fire in a long time! Plus, most of my friends work in the evenings, so a late-night bonfire would be a perfect option.

Tomorrow I'm going to go out and take some pictures of our deck - there was a storm last night and now our deck is covered in multi-colored leaves. It's going to be crazy to clean, but right now it's GORGEOUS! I can't wait to post them!

Lots of Love,
Lauren

ps there is a moth flying around in my bedroom and it's very annoying. I hope I can catch it soon...

Insomnia (again.... again....)

Hey Guys,

It's 4am here in Cincinnati and I can't sleep. It's about that time in my cycle that the side effects from the steroids start hitting, so I'm a ravenous insomniac. I was thinking about running to the kitchen to grab a snack (maybe that would help?) but I don't want to start night eating!! I'm already eating to the point of stomach aches during the day - I can't imagine how I'd feel if I started eating in the nighttime too... The weird part is that I'm craving a McMuffin. Especially weird because I never, ever eat fast food... (although I did eat half a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese this afternoon...)

I also started getting some vein pain again today - I haven't had any since my last cycle, but I think this is about the time it started up before. Fortunately it only lasts a couple days, but it's such a strange sensation. It feels like my veins are shorter than the rest of my arms or something, and every time I bend my wrists or elbows they're stretching. Although, that makes it sounds a lot more painful than it really is - it's not so bad, I'd compare it to a pulled muscle or something. Irritating, but it's not going to stop me from getting around.

I'm kind of dreading this week a little bit because my counts are expected to drop on Tuesday, so I'm anticipating being stuck at home a lot. My mom and I have plans to go apple-buying at a local apple farm, and I'm really excited about that - plus I want to go see Where the Wild Things Are, so we'll probably do that. Unfortunately, my count usually stay low for a week or so, so I'm probably going to miss Halloween - I'd hoped to be able to get up to Berea or Columbus or something, but I'm hoping maybe Tyler will come down to visit or that James will come over for a fire - I can't even hand out candy if my counts are low! I also feel bad about being home all week because Brian's still pretty sick, and he's stuck in his room all the time so he doesn't "contaminate" the house (so I don't get the flu as well...) I'm hoping he's not getting depressed, and if I can't go to class, that means more time that he has to stay in his room... I hope he feels better soon, because I also want to go see Zombieland with him - no one else in the family wants to see it, so I was hoping we'd get to go some afternoon after he gets home from school.

I should probably get back to trying to sleep - I've just turned Law & Order: SVU on - it's the only thing on this early (late?) with the exception of infomercials and (strangely enough) Cable in the Classroom on MTV. Andrew's radio show starts at 5, so if I'm still up then, I know what I'll be doing!

Lots of Love,
Lauren

I Can't Think of a Good Title...

Hey Guys,

I don't know if I've written about this before, but I STILL haven't lost 100% of my hair... I had a little bit of fuzz left, and it's super annoying! My mom has to shave my head every few weeks, and it's always a little bit of a terrifying experience - I don't know how men shave their heads every day (maybe they use an electric razor?)

Anyway, I'm pretty sure the only person I would ever trust to shave my head is my mom - but even so I get really nervous. We always make sure to use a new razor, and she uses some kind of astringent on my scalp with copious amounts of lotion to make sure that I don't get razor burn afterwards. So far, no major bleeding incidents - just a couple of tiny nicks here and there (nothing that even shows up unless you look really, really close) so I'm pretty impressed with my mom's head-shaving skills. I'm hoping to have her do it again tomorrow, so be on the lookout for some pictures of the process in the next couple of days!

In other news, Planet Cancer just announced that they are officially teaming up with the Lance Armstrong Foundation - even going so far as moving into the same office building as LAF! I think this sounds like GREAT news, because with these two foundations working as one, it'll be even easier to reach Young Adults with cancer that have needs (whether it be financial, medical, general support, etc...). I'm lucky enough to have insurance, access to amazing medical facilities, and a huge network of support, but not everyone has that. It'll be really fantastic to have one GIANT organization to help provide as much as they can (you can go read more about it at the link above).

Also, Holly was awesome enough to send me a link to her friend's science blog, Urban Science, where she recently wrote an article about H1N1. I checked out the article (pt 2 coming soon), and I think you all should as well! Holly's friend is a Doctoral Candidate in Biology, so she definitely knows what she's talking about (not just some random person posting about things they don't really understand). The rest of her blog is really consumer-friendly as well - it's easy to understand AND there are some really pretty pictures!

I've been feeling kind of crappy lately - lots of nausea and heartburn (as well as a few unmentionable issues you all probably don't want to hear about!) and my taste buds are still all wonky. I'm hoping that will go away in a few days, because I'm expecting to be out of class all next week and my mom and I want to go to Rouster's (an apple farm) and I want to be able to taste all the apples and the homemade cider (this is why fall is so amazing - I love apples!). I've also been having this really strange thing happening in my feet - my muscles will tense up compulsively and it wakes me up at night, so I haven't been sleeping too well. It's kind of like a Charley Horse but in my feet... I used to get them very occasionally before the chemo, and my dad gets them sometimes, but now I get them ALL the time! I've been wearing heels more lately, so I don't know if it's the heels or the chemo that's making them really bad. I talked to Dr. Adams, and she advised that I eat more potassium - I can't eat bananas with my Procarbazine, but I've been trying to load up on spinach and broccoli. So far, no change, but I'm betting it takes more than a couple of days for the vitamins to start working their magic...

Finally, I want to post a little bit of a shout-out to some of the other writers of cancer blogs (especially the ones I've been following). It seems like everyone I discovered when I first got diagnosed is successfully finishing treatment now, soon, or has recently finished, and I want to congratulate all of the great success, especially to Chris (who had his last treatment today) and Jennie, who just celebrated a month post-treatment. Congrats, guys!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

ps check this out :-)

Vaccinations (and rants about not wearing masks)

Hey Guys,

It's flu season again (well, I guess it's been flu season for a bit now, but it just seems like everyone's recently started to get sick) Knock on wood, I'm feeling pretty good - and I'm planning on keeping that way at least for another month so I can FINISH!

Anyway, I know a lot of people are really on the fence about vaccinations, etc. Almost every doctor will tell you that vaccinating your kids is perfectly safe (actually safer than NOT) and (I'm pretty sure - correct me if I'm wrong) kids legally have to be vaccinated before they can attend school in the US (excepting religious or "spiritual" beliefs). I know that some celebrities (I'm looking at you, Jenny McCarthy) are on this no-vaccinations kick, saying that vaccinations cause autism, etc. I get so mad every time I hear about this, because it seems like just because you (as a parent) would rather listen to a celebrity than a doctor, your kid could get REALLY sick and make other kids REALLY sick (babies too small to be vaccinated, etc...)

You might be wondering what all this has to do with me... I read this article on Slate Magazine today, and I never really thought about how unvaccinated kids could affect me directly. However, now that I'm a patient at a Children's Hospital, I'm wondering how many unvaccinated kids I come in contact with that could be spreading things to allllll the many immunocompromised patients at CHMC. It makes me so mad...

Another thing that makes me SO mad is coughing kids in hospitals NOT wearing masks. The new procedure at Outpatient where I get my bloodwork (and I'm assuming at Children's Main as well) is that if you come in even looking vaguely sick, you have to wear a mask. This is because so many kids come in with low immune systems that hospital staff doesn't want flu (or anything else) spreading and making the really sick kids even sicker. However, some parents don't seem to follow these rules... When I was coming home from my treatment Monday, I was stuck behind a kid and his mom - the mom was holding a mask and the kid was coughing all over his hands and running them up and down the walls... Another woman in front of us commented (pretty loudly) "This is a Hospital. That kid should be wearing a mask..." The mom didn't even flinch or acknowledge the comment. One of my nurses at Outpatient put it best: she told me that she has parents come in all the time who don't want to force their kid to wear a mask (because, let's face it, the masks suck) so she tells them "Your kid might get the flu and have a tummy ache and miss a couple days of school, but someone else's kid might be on chemo, and that kid on chemo can get the flu and die. Put the mask on your kid, because we don't want any dead ones." It sounds a little harsh, but sometimes that's the only way to get through to people. A lot of times parents just don't realize that not every kid they come in contact with is as healthy as their own.

For everyone's sake this flu season, GET THE H1N1 vaccine! Get the Seasonal vaccine! Help us sick kids have a better chance of NOT getting the flu!!!!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Sick Sick Sick

Hey Guys,

I had my 10th(!!!!!) treatment yesterday - only TWO more (man, I can practically taste freedom). However, I've been feeling a lot more sick than usual... Sunday, I was super nauseous all day (which is unusual, because I don't generally get sick from my first treatment, and it had been almost a week since chemo...). Monday, I woke up STILL sick and was feeling pretty nauseous all through chemo (which only lasted about 2 hrs - thank God!) and came home realllllly nervous I was going to throw up in the car (I made it - whew!)

When I got home, my mom made some really delicious baked chicken with some pasta with mushrooms & spinach (sooo good for my poor tummy) and I spent the rest of the evening on the couch with TWO cat nurses. They don't particularly make it any better (actually they make it a lot hotter!) but they're sweet and the purring is comforting...

This morning, I was definitely still sick - I was disappointed because last cycle I had felt fine this Tuesday. I ended up not making it to my Song Lit class (which sucks because I love my professor!) but I did make it to my piano lesson. I enjoy my piano lessons a whole lot - my teacher is either a grad student or a doctoral candidate who's only a few years older than I am. She's really understanding and fun to talk to, so it makes me want to practice more than usual! I have another lesson Thursday (a makeup), and I'm hoping I'll be able to make it to my lesson on Tuesday even if my counts are low (I'm thinking it will be OK since it's a one-on-one situation...)

I'm going to go lay down some more now - I went out for dinner and now my stomach is turning! I'm crossing my fingers that I'll make it to the end of my treatment without ever throwing up, but yesterday's treatment isn't making it easy!

Also, my veins are kind of burning from the doxorubycin... it's making my chest feel really tight, which is NOT helping with the nausea. My whole chest just has this terrible feeling in it (like there's something wrong with my veins - I'm assuming that's just residual chemo still hanging around) and that's part of the reason I'm feeling so nauseous... UGH!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

1 more down, 3 to go...

Hey Guys,

I'm SO CLOSE to being done! Only three more treatments left!!!!

Today went really smoothly - my nurse, Anne, is the same one I had last time, and she's fantastic! Everything got started within about a half hour of our arrival (amazing) and she was so prompt at changing my fluids and my meds so that I hardly had ANY wait time - actually, I'm pretty sure that I didn't have any time where I was just sitting around waiting for her. The only time we really had to wait was when my last bag of fluids was finished and we had to wait for a different nurse because Anne had to sit in another patient's room for the first half hour of something. If the kids have bad reactions to a drug (like my little brother - his throat closed up after he started one of his chemo drugs) or if they're taking something particularly dangerous, the nurse needs to stay with them for a a bit to make sure nothing awful happens.

I slept most of the day, which was unusual for me - generally I stay awake and talk with everyone a lot, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open today! I was feeling a little nauseous in the hospital - the flushes that they put through my port after chemo makes my mouth taste like rubbing alcohol which always makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. So far, so good, though! I'm definitely going to bed early tonight - I'm exhausted after a busy weekend and then going out with James and his work buddies last night. That was probably a bad idea, but I never get to see James and his friends from the Playhouse are a lot of fun!

I also ran into a fellow "adult" patient on the hem/onc floor at Children's today. We didn't talk - he was in a wheelchair with a mask on and I was getting weighed - but we exchanged those little "what's up" nods. It's strange to see another big person amongst the sea of little bald kids (which can be really, really depressing - especially since Brian was one of those little bald kids at one point...)

I got an email yesterday from a girl (young woman?) named Tiffany - she lives pretty close to me in another suburb of Cincinnati (Fairfield, for you all in the area). She had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma six years ago, and was treated at a local hospital. Now she's involved with the local Leukemia Lymphoma Society chapter, and gave me some really cool information. She told me they're trying to start up a Young Adult group, which I'm really excited about! Lots of other cities have big YA support communities, but Cincinnati really doesn't. Hopefully that will take off and be something I can get involved with, especially when I move back to Cinci after I graduate in May.

She also told me about the First Connection program, which is a one-on-one support network for survivors to council/help newly diagnosed patients. From what I can tell, the pairs are matched up by age, sex, and diagnosis, which sounds really cool. There's a training session on October 24, so I'm really hoping that I can attend and help someone out (or even be paired with someone to council me!) I'm also in contact with a woman at Children's Hospital about their Children's Champions program, which is something similar, plus much more. I'd love to be able to volunteer at hospital events and even be on a committee to be a patient (or family) consultant. I'll obviously be gone for a few months in the spring, but it's most likely that I'll be back in Cincinnati for at least a while, so I'm hoping I can get more involved with things when I have some more time, and get started on them now!

To all of my fellow Cancer-Havers (I hate saying 'patient' because it makes me feel sickly), do you guys participate in any programs like those? If so, what kinds of experiences have you had? I'd love to hear!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Last-Minute Echo/PFT

Hey Guys,

At the beginning of the week, Debbie called me and told me that Dr. Adams wanted another set of tests done before my next cycle - An EKG/Echo (for my heart) and a Pulmonary Function Test (for my lungs). Well, you all know how much I LOVE the PFT (not very much...)

If you've never had one before, basically you're in this little room (remember the picture I posted last time? It looks like a phone booth!) and it's vacuum sealed shut, and you have to do all this weird breathing stuff through at tube. That's measured by a computer, which is checking different things about how well you can breathe. The worst is when you have to blow out for an extremely long period of time. I always feel like I'm going to pass out and/or wet my pants. Neither of which I really want to happen.

Anyway, the good news is that my heart and my lungs are still normal, which is fantastic! It doesn't look like the chemo is affecting my lung capacity/function or my heart walls, which can be a problem. I wasn't really too worried, though, because the amount of chemo I'm getting isn't really too high...

Also, Kaylin from Cancer Is Hilarious had her six-month scans today... Go wish her luck with the results!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

This Weekend!

Hey Guys,

I wanted to let everyone up in Cleveland know that I'll be in Berea this weekend! I'll be up Friday in time for dinner, and I'll probably be in town through Sunday afternoon. Tyler will most likely be up with me for Friday night! Let me know when you're free and I'll visit you!

Also some good news - I got MORE bloodwork done today, and I'm finally out of the woods with that! I'm back up to relatively normal - 1,200! Woohoo!

There's nothing to exciting to report today - although I think today was the coolest day we've had in a long time! I'm not too thrilled about it - I'm not much of a winter person! I like it to be cold and snow around Christmas time, but I'd be more than happy if it stayed warm all the way through Thanksgiving!

I went on a long walk tonight with my mom - I haven't done ANY kind of exercise in so long, I can't believe how out of shape I'm getting! My legs are already sore just from walking a few miles. I can't wait to get back to my pilates classes in the spring. It's probably going to kill me though! I'll have to keep going on walks so I can start slowly getting back into shape - and maybe riding my bike since I brought it home from my apartment...

Finally, I've been reading about this book all over the place! I might see if I can find a copy of the library, since my taste buds change for a couple of weeks each cycle. It'll be interesting to see if the recipes really work!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Bad Moods

Hey Guys,

I've been getting pretty frustrated with myself lately. Throughout the entire first half of my treatment, I managed to stay really upbeat and positive about everything. Lately, however, that doesn't seem to be the case. I've been finding myself in bad moods pretty consistently, and getting frustrated with people who are only trying to help (especially in my family - I'm sorry to all of you guys!).

This is the most time I've spent at my parents' house since I left for college, and I think I'm starting to go a little stir-crazy without much to do, especially since most of my friends are up in Cleveland, and the few that ARE here actually have jobs - so it's hard to see them sometimes. Plus, my blood counts get lower and lower with each treatment, so I'm worrying about days when I can't really go out in public much (remember the meltdown I had when I was supposed to go up to Berea a few weeks ago??)

I'm hoping that when I start classes at UC on Wednesday, some of this will turn around. I'm not used to feeling so negative all the time! I think it's probably due to boredom - I can't seem to really get motivated to do anything that I normally would LOVE to be doing (namely, right now, researching and writing my thesis on a topic I'm super excited about...)

In better news, my mom finally convinced me to organize allll (or... at least most) of my clothes - a majority of my "winter" things are still living in my apartment, which I'll hopefully remember to bring home next time I visit the Cleveland area...

about half of my shoes (too many to fit in one organizer... yikes...)

my tiny closet - organized mostly by color (score one for good ideas)

my new rhinestone sandals... (I mentioned them in my Chicago post)

for some reason, the picture transferred sideways...

Also, my mom and I went today to visit my brother Andrew at Indiana University in Bloomington, IN. It's about a 2.5 hour drive from our house, and it's a really pretty ride through a lot of farms and small towns. We found a new restaurant that none of us had ever been to - it's called Roots, and it is completely vegetarian (or vegan, if you request your meal made that way) and I had some AMAZING polenta with pesto and steamed veggies... I wish I'd thought to take a picture, because it was sooo delicious and colorful.

In chemoland, I've been feeling pretty decent since my Monday treatment - some mild nausea and a few mouth sores, but mostly I've figured out a routine to keep that all under control (unless I do something stupid like forget to take my Kytril - which I did this morning! I'm glad I have my emergency tin of anti-nausea drugs in my purse!) The mouth sores don't suck nearly as much as they did during my first round. I get a little bit of soreness around the bottom and sides of my tongue, but mostly I just get a couple down my throat - which may sound worse, but is actually better since it just feels like having a sore throat.

Finally, I'm really looking forward to helping out with the musical at my little brother's high school (my old school...) They're putting on a production of Blood Brothers, by Willy Russell. Brian will be playing the part of Mr. Lyons - everyone in the Cincinnati area should come out and see him (he's an AMAZING singer!!!). You can contact the Anderson High School Theater Department for tickets (Nov. 19, 20, 21). We'd love to see as many of you there as possible!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

ps posting this has already made me feel better :-)

Smooth as a Baby's Bottom

Hey Guys,

I haven't posted for a couple of days because I've been feeling kind of crappy - I finished my third round of steroids on Sunday, and the side effects from two weeks of them always kind of start hitting me a couple of days after I'm done taking them. I was a little bit concerned on Monday night - I went out with William and met up with a few people I haven't seen in YEARS, and it was a later night than I've had in awhile (I got home at 1:30 - sad, I know, that now I consider that a late night!). When I got home, I was having all of this weird itching and soreness all around my braline on my back and my shoulders... it was kind of red, but I hoped it would go away when I woke up in the morning. No luck. The next morning it was all rashy and PAINFUL! It looked a little blistery in some places, and my mom and I were worried that I might be having a recurrence of the chicken pox (fantastic) or maybe some shingles (also fantastic) - best case we were figuring it was probably the beginning of some really attractive steroid-induced bacne (goodbye, sundresses...). I was also having all sorts of other weird pains that I hadn't had yet - my veins were sore (which is a really bizarre feeling...) and I was getting shin splints (confusing since I definitely haven't been doing any running lately) so I decided to keep close to home and lay low most of the day. I was getting so frustrated yesterday because I haven't had chemo for a week, but it seems like everything saves itself up and then once the nausea goes away, I get hit with the pains. It could be worse, though...

Fortunately, it was a BEAUTIFUL day outside so I spent most of the day on the screened in porch or laying in the hammock - I took a wonderful nap out under the trees... Also fortunately, when I woke up this morning, my back was looking SO much better and was a lot less sore. I was feeling a lot better in general today - a little bit of a headache, but most of the aching has gone away (with the exception of the mysterious shin splints... maybe I've been running in my sleep)

My mom has been cooking some really great meals the past few nights, which I'm so thankful for because I am hungry CONSTANTLY. Like... you guys have no idea. I've been like a bottomless pit. Last night she made this delicious baked chicken and pasta with pesto and tomatoes, and I ate basically half a chicken and an entire plateful of pasta without blinking an eye. Tonight my dad grilled burgers and my mom made tomato & mozz salad, and corn - healthy food so at least I'm gorging myself with something nutritious instead of the Kraft Spongebob Mac & Cheese I was craving during my first round. I shudder to think of how I'd be feeling if that was still all I wanted to eat...

I have a couple other pieces of news to share with you all. First of all, even though it LOOKED bald, I really haven't lost all of my hair - there was a fine layer of dark baby fuzz that never fell out. It was really soft and made me feel like a baby bird, but it also was STILL GROWING (!!!) so it was getting longer and longer and longer... tonight I finally caved and let my mom take a razor to it. You would not believe how soft my head is now. I feel like I'm wearing a bald cap or something because it's so smooth. Secondly, for those of you who haven't heard, I'll be up in Berea on Sept. 1 (Tuesday) for a few days visiting BW and Oberlin kids... I'll be posting a FB event for a dinner in Berea one night, and most likely be doing something similar for Oberlin another night (Marina & I were talking today about an Italy party?) so I want to see all of you at some point! Third (and last) is something that may sound bad, but really it's not. My treatments are getting delayed by a week because of Labor Day (kind of lame, but it ends up being a good thing!) Since I'm getting treated in the Day Hospital, the clinic is closed on Labor Day, so Dr. Adams suggested that we just push everything back a week since it won't really affect my school schedule or anything important. I was a little concerned about this from a treatment standpoint, but she says that a week isn't going to make any difference, especially at this point in my treatment. Because I have this extra week now, my mom and I are going to take the Megabus (!!!) to Chicago (!!!) for a few days! I haven't been to Chicago since a class trip in high school, so I'm super excited. Plus, I think it'll be really fun to take the Megabus - the trip is only 5 hours, and I've heard the busses are pretty nice. I'll arm myself with a couple of DVDs and some snacks, and I'm pretty sure we'll be golden.

I'm going to head out now and watch some more of Top Chef, but I'll be back tomorrow for a new installation of the Book Club.

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Paper Gown Book Club #2

Hey Guys,

So it's a little later than I expected, but I've finished Kairol Rosenthal's Everything Changes and I've got to say that it's DEFINITELY worth it a read, whether you have cancer or not. Actually, I think it's a fantastic resource for friends and family members (especially younger ones) because all of the people she speaks with are so candid about their feelings.

I had originally planned on buying the book, but kind of changed my mind because I was like "Do I really want all of these cancer books sitting around the house once I'm done with treatment?" I ultimately decided that I DON'T want them later on, so I checked Everything Changes out of the library. However, I'm going to head out to the bookstore and buy my own copy because I kept coming across things that I wanted to highlight or notate to look back at later, and obviously you can't do that in a library book.

Kairol's book is fantastic because she interviewed so many different people, but ultimately settled on a few main stories to tell, with her own interspersed throughout. In addition, each chapter is vaguely themed (Insurance, Sex, Peers, Working, College, Alternative Medicine, etc...) but is concluded with a FANTASTIC set of resources related to each theme touched on in the chapter. Through an incredible amount of research, Kairol has provided with advice and contact information for all kinds of support systems from insurance help, financial aid services, support groups for young GLBTs with cancer, resources for siblings and for parenting with cancer - basically any question you might have Kairol has an answer. And, after emailing her, I found out that she is EXTREMELY prompt and enthusiastic about responding to correspondence!

One of the most insightful parts was the section relating to dating. Being single, I've wondered what it will be like dating someone new once I'm done with my treatment - especially if it's someone completely new, who I didn't know before my diagnosis. I know it might sound trivial, but for some reason it really worries me that it would be hard to introduce the topic of cancer to a date. How soon? Is cancer something you bring up on a first date? Kairol addresses this subject so gracefully - and with the help of an expert, Sage Bolte (who she calls the "Dr. Sue of the young adult cancer world"). Bolte says that you should wait until about the fourth date - long enough to know if you want to see the person for an extended period, but soon enough that there's not a real chance of making them feel like you've been withholding something from them. I like this advice. It's straightforward, it makes sense, and it gives me something tangible to think about whenever I decide to start dating.

That's one of the many things that makes Everything Changes an almost perfect resource for young adults with cancer. Kairol puts everything out there exactly how it is. Sure, there's humor (there's humor in everything) but there's no adding humor to sugar-coat what's really happening.

Thanks, Kairol, for taking the initiative and compiling such a comprehensive and ACCESSIBLE resource for all of us. Everything Changes has opened up my eyes to things I hadn't even considered.

I hope you guys can all enjoy this book as much as I did :-)

From now on, I'm going to make sure to do a new Paper Gown Book Club every Thursday - so keep an eye out for it! Next week, I'll be kicking it up a notch with the raciness and reading an article recommended in Everything Changes called "Sex and the Sickbed" by Jennifer Glaser. I've decided to alternate books and articles or short stories because even for a speed-reader like me, a book a week is a little much! (Especially if I actually want to be able to really absorb the information enough to write an entry about it and hopefully be able to comment discuss with you all)

In other news with me, I don't know if the neurontin hasn't had time to take effect yet, or if it's not strong enough, because today I was really disappointed to feel the numbness creeping up a little in my toes again. It's intermittent, and I'm definitely not fending off any impending paralysis, but I hate the "falling asleep" feeling that my toes have been getting all day. Argh.

On the upside, I've gotten approval for three of the classes for the fall - so far, I'm up to 6 credits. Definitely not a full load, but enough that I can start filling out the paperwork and officially get registered! Woohoo!

Ok. I should be getting to bed now (it's after midnight and I haven't been sleeping well) but I'll be back later on, and I can't wait to hear what you guys think about Everything Changes!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

I Am Not Tech Savvy...

Blog Helper of the Day: Madeline

Hey Guys,

Well, for today's post, I had wanted to create a little photo slideshow of sorts since I've got pretty many pictures to post. However, due to the fact that I am NOT technically literate (and can actually barely figure out how to use most of Blogger's simple tools) I couldn't figure out how to get the damn slideshow to work! Oh, well... you guys all just have to see the pictures lined up as opposed to tucked away in one nice little place.

Which brings me to this first photo - sorry if it grosses anyone out, but I realized that I haven't actually posted what my port looks like under my skin (at least... I don't think I have...) So I decided to take a snapshot of it's prettiest moment thus far - my first post-tape rash! Woohoo! So far, I haven't had any problem with all of the tape being removed while being deaccessed - it's come of pretty smoothly and painlessly, and this is the first time I've developed any kind of reaction. Although - this picture doesn't really do it much justice. It's now Thursday, and it's still red and itchy. I'm glad I have two more weeks before my next treatment & I don't have to put MORE tape back on top of it for awhile...

Anyway, I didn't post yesterday because I'm been feeling hella crappy. Im pretty sure I accidentally drank some bad milk yesterday because I couldn't tell that it tasted wrong (everything is tasting & smelling a little sour, so I didn't think anything of it when the milk I had a breakfast tasted off... bad choice) I was basically in bed or on the couch the whole day, on the edge of puking... Not a pleasant feeling. It wasn't until Andrew casually mentioned that he thought we should probably get new milk because the milk tasted weird that I realized what had been pushing me so close to the edge all day. Well, that and the chemo... But I'm pretty sure the milk contributed a lot. Lesson: always have someone taste the milk first! Or better yet, just don't drink milk when your taste buds are messed up...

I had some pretty awesome caretakers though... One of my FAVORITE things to eat in the whole world is the chunky veggie soup from First Watch. They don't have it all the time, and when they do I could eat bowl after bowl. It's SUPER chunky and has all kinds of great things in it like zucchini and tons of beans and chickpeas... mmmmm...

Since they don't always have it, and I'm trying really hard to eat a balanced diet with all of my restrictions, Brian and my mom decided that they were going to recreate this soup for me. Oh. My. God. The whole house smelled SO GOOD for hours - they made it all with fresh veggies and herbs from my mom's fledgling herb garden in the backyard.

Brian slices & dices

The End Result: can't you smell it from here?

In addition to my human caretakers, I had two very furry helpers (there's a third cat in our house, but she doesn't like me much...)

Winnie spent a ton of time with me out on the screened in porch on Monday afternoon, chilling out and protecting me from whatever kinds of bugs might try to penetrate the screen...

She also gave me a helping hand with my Snowie (best sno cone in the world) and also with perusing Brian's new yearbook... she just tucked herself up there under the covers (probably to make sure that I didn't fall off the couch in my Ativan-induced confusion)

After jealously watching from the ottoman for about a half hour, Madeline (my baby - she's 13) joined us, despite her intense dislike for Winnie (The Intruder) and we happily napped for a couple hours. As much as I fear becoming a Crazy Cat Lady, I like having them around... especially at times like this!

William came by for a little while last night, which was fantastic. I'd really hoped that by the evening I'd be feeling better and had planned on calling to see if he wanted to hit up Dollar Burger after work, but alas. I was thrilled when he called to see if I wanted him to bring over the second half of Angels in America. We're still not all the way through it, but I fall a little more in love with Mary Louise Parker each time I see more of her. It also reminds me how much I love Meryl Streep, and how much I need to go out and rent some of her older movies... (someone remind me to do that next time I'm feeling crappy!)

Finally, I went shopping with my mom at Kenwood Mall last week and stopped to take a look in Arhaus Furniture. I found the chairs below, and although they are WAY out of my price range, and I don't really even have a place to live, I've decided when I DO finally get my own house I am buying ONE chair (or a cheaper version & asking my grandma to recreate the upholstery) and decorating my entire house around it. I can't stop thinking about the vivid colors and patterns - it's even effecting my recent clothing choices. I've been ditching the blacks & greys I've been wearing continuously all summer for the HUGE stash of near-neon I have at the back of my closet & the bottom of my drawers. SO different than the IKEA modern style that's decorating my apartment in Berea. I definitely need something more cheerful.

photo courtesy of Arhaus Furniture

Well, t-t-t-that's all, folks! I'm off to get some bloodwork done to make sure I don't need any GCSF shots (so far, so good - those steroids are good for something, I guess...) and then to pick up a couple books from the library so we can continue with the Paper Gown Book Club. Yay!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Lauren van Winkle

Hey Guys,

I am not a morning person, but somehow I managed to drag myself out of bed at 6am yesterday. Maybe it was the promise of delicious chemo that got me up & at 'em so easily. ...I'm going to have to say probably not, though.

We actually made it to Children's early yesterday - my appointment was at 7:30, and we were sauntering in around 7:20 - potentially a new record? (My mom and I tend to run late for things...) We made it up to the check-in desk at Day Hospital just behind a woman talking really loudly on her cell phone, with an adorable little boy curled up sleeping in a wheelchair. The woman (it's still unclear if it was his mom or not) just stood there complaining into the phone about how she had to take "The Kid" to the hospital and he was giving her so much trouble today, and he was such a handful... The nurse kind of looked over after she got off the phone and gave the woman a doubtful look, with "He always seems so sweet here, and he's sleeping now!"

I feel really bad for some of the little kids at Children's, especially the ones who are really sick and don't have a support system from their families. Most of the time, you see the little tiny kids in their rooms all hooked up but looking relatively happy because they're surrounded by family and toys and don't really know any different (which is sad enough on its own). It's even worse to see the kids who are all tiny and hooked up but being yelled at by their parents, because they're not even surrounded by the positive energy they need to heal more quickly. I guess that's why Children's has such a great system of social workers checking in all the time (heck, I even have a social worker come in and check on me - but maybe that's because the staff thinks we've lost our minds because we laugh SO much...)

Anyway, I got Kristy yesterday, who is my favorite nurse. She's about 3 years older than I am, and is by FAR the best nurse I've ever had. She never waits to be asked to do something and is always in as soon as my machine starts to beep - sometimes even before I have to press the alert button! Usually, the nurses wait until Dr. Adams comes in before they'll access my port, but Kristy always does it right away so that as soon as the chemo order is filled, all she has to do is hook up the tubes, instead of letting it sit there while she hooks ME up also. Because of all of her awesome prompt nurse-work, I was unhooked and on my way out of Day Hospital by 11:20 - I'm ABSOLUTELY sure that's a record for us.

I was feeling pretty crappy by the time I got home, and Brian was cool enough to run to McDonald's and get me a milkshake and fries (which sounded so good at the time, but now thinking about it is making my stomach turn!) I spent a few hours up in my bed, alternately sleeping and watching a couple hours of THS:Investigates Various Terrible Crimes Against Beautiful People (I believe it was a mish-mash of "Husbands Who Kill" and "Young, Beautiful, and Missing," because I managed to catch a bit of Elizabeth Smart at the end...)

Later on in the day, I was able to keep down some ramen (knock on wood, but I've managed to keep the vomit count down to 0... I'd like it to stay that way, although some days take more willpower than others...)

I spent basically the rest of the night sleeping on the couch or sleeping in my bed with Winnie (who normally hates cuddling, but makes the sacrifice when I'm feeling crappy) so I feel a little like Rip van Winkle - when I woke up this morning, I had absolutely NO concept of what time it was. And it's raining (which I love) but when I got in bed yesterday afternoon, it was really sunny out...

I'm feeling pretty good at the moment (all hopped up on Kytril to stave of the nausea) and even considering meeting a friend for tea before he goes to New Zealand for three weeks - this, however, could take a turn for the worst when I make the first attempt to get downstairs and/or eat anything. The digestive system on chemo is a delicate beast...

Thanks for all of the comments people have been leaving! I love to hear from you!

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Cats, Flies, and Cell Phones

Hey Guys,

What do these three things have in common?

They're all things that kept me awake last night (not for long though - mix a couple tablets of Benadryl with a little Ativan, and I was drowsy and confused in no time...)

There has been a giant fly buzzing around my room for days now, and Winnie, having never had to fend for herself in the wild, does not have the sufficient skills to hunt and trap such a wily insect. So, I still have a giant fly buzzing above my head (as I type, she's bounding around the room, clumsily trying to catch it - still to no avail)

In other cat-related news (as a side note, I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up a crazy cat lady in the next twenty years...) Lily (my little brother's cat) has discovered the super-secret location of Winnie's food container (not-so-cleverly hidden on top of my dresser, which until last night I had thought was basically inaccessible...) and spent the entire night jumping from the foot of my bed to my dresser, attempting to knock the plastic container of cat food onto the floor so she could devour it. My bed is made of iron. My dresser is pretty far away from it. This created a pretty big noise every time she jumped. Agh.

Finally, I love you all, but I do NOT love when my phone keeps ringing in the middle of the night. Texts are fine, but someone (honestly, I'm not even sure who, because it was someone whose number I don't have in my phone) kept calling me in the middle of the night... Not cool...

Anyway, back to the stuff that you're all here for. I don't think I've written about this before, but my doctors are on the lookout for "foot drop" in my walking, which is basically when you start walking weirdly and not bending your feet the right way - it's a long-term side effect of one of my drugs. They're not expecting me to develop it, but are checking early just in case. So last Monday when I went in, Dr. Adams decided she wanted me to take a spin around the oncology hall, just to check on my walking. She had me walk up and down the hallway (pre-access, fortunately - I'm still not very dextrous with the pole...) and I felt like a really bad contestant on America's Next Top Model. If I still had any delusions of a career as a runway model, they're gone now! For those of you who don't know me, I am not a graceful person (my ballet teacher last semester told me that I "make her laugh")

Tomorrow, I'm back in for my rough chemo - Adriamycin, Bleomycin... and something else. I'm blanking. I should probably keep better track of what I'm getting on a given day... The good news is that my appointment is at 7:30am, so I'll theoretically be home before lunch if the nurses get everything started on time (cross your fingers for me!)

Talk to you all soon :-)

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Goodnight :-)

Well, Hello, Ginger Ale & Saltines!

Hey Guys,

Man... by this point after my "Day 1" treatment, I'm usually ready to hop out of bed and go about my day. Today, though, I was hit with another wave of nausea, achy joints, and an all-over sense of uneasiness. They weren't wrong about the side effects becoming more and more intense each time (and by they I mean basically everyone I've talked to...) For some reason, I'm also having a lot of trouble typing. Sometimes I'll think one word and when I look at the screen, a completely different word is there. I suppose this is another aspect of the chemo brain? Or maybe my hands are just better writers than my brain is...

In other news, I bought a couple of study guides for the GRE exam the other day. As a voice major, I hadn't ever really thought about taking it, but since my internship, I've totally changed my track. Yes, I still want to be involved in the Arts, but in a much less hands-on way. I spoke with Marcus at the Cincinnati Opera, and I've decided I'm going to apply for an Arts Admin master, which is, obviously, much more academic than a performance degree. I need to score well to make up for my less-than-stellar GPA (not horrible, just not awesome) if I want to get into IU or CCM or anywhere close to Cincinnati so I can stick around for scans, etc. Of course, I would prefer something in New York or the West Coast. That had been my original plan - take a year and teach English in France, then come back and go to school (or find a job) on the West Coast. Probably not going to happen for awhile now...

And now, I leave you with two things: little test of your verbal skills, and a photographic surprise!

ELEGY : PAEAN :

eulogy : praise

euphemism : expression

threnody: song

benediction : blessing

lamentation : joy

Now, Winnie looks adorable (she's trying to steal my necklace...) I, however, have somehow managed to develop a double chin at this angle... Yikes...

First person to send me a right answer to my little verbal puzzle, I'll send you... something...

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Pills Galore + a third of the way done (sort of...)

Hey Guys,

So the other day I've decided to take count of all my pills... there are sooooo many - I feel like an old person! I have one of those pill organizers that has all of the days of the week, with slots for AM and PM. So far, in the mornings I take between 10 and 15 pills (depending on what day it is) and about the same in the evening. It seems like every time I go into the hospital, I have a new prescription for some new side effect that has developed since the last time I was in.

So far, the worst side effects have been the nausea (ew) - with the first treatment of each cycle, it's not so bad (usually just a tiny bit that evening) but so far with the second treatment, it's been pretty bad. I had my last treatment on Monday, and I'm still having a lot of nausea. I have about four different prescriptions to help the nausea - each one is a little bit stronger, and some of them make me pretty confused & loopy (one I haven't even taken yet because it's supposed to be pretty potent), but between the combination of them, I've been able to eat pretty well and keep up my weight.


The other side effect that has been KILLING me is the hot flashes! When I had my first treatment, I got a shot called Lupron, which is supposed to stop my period for three months. What they didn't tell me was that it's basically putting me through menopause. I've been getting the most horrendous hot flashes that make me turn so red that it looks like I've got a really awful sunburn - so much so that Stephanie told me it looked like I'd been out in the sun a lot! I'm on a new prescription right now to help with those, so hopefully in a few days that will take effect and I can stop sitting around with a cold washcloth on my head!



Also, since my hair has mostly fallen out, I've got a new way of styling it - with a lint remover! It feels so ridiculous, but it's the only way I can keep all of the tiny little hairs from falling out and getting stuck on/in my clothes and itching a whole lot.

Today I also got some good news - I met with the Undergrad Dean at CCM about taking my fall semester here in Cincinnati. So far, so good - I just need to email all of the individual professors for each class to make sure that they're willing to take a "non-matriculated student," and I'll be all on course for making sure I can graduate "on time"(ish)

So far, that's all for now - Molly's wedding is on Saturday, so I'll have plenty to fill you in about & lots of pictures to post soon!

Lots of Love,

Lauren