Saturday, September 19, 2009

Bad Moods

Hey Guys,

I've been getting pretty frustrated with myself lately. Throughout the entire first half of my treatment, I managed to stay really upbeat and positive about everything. Lately, however, that doesn't seem to be the case. I've been finding myself in bad moods pretty consistently, and getting frustrated with people who are only trying to help (especially in my family - I'm sorry to all of you guys!).

This is the most time I've spent at my parents' house since I left for college, and I think I'm starting to go a little stir-crazy without much to do, especially since most of my friends are up in Cleveland, and the few that ARE here actually have jobs - so it's hard to see them sometimes. Plus, my blood counts get lower and lower with each treatment, so I'm worrying about days when I can't really go out in public much (remember the meltdown I had when I was supposed to go up to Berea a few weeks ago??)

I'm hoping that when I start classes at UC on Wednesday, some of this will turn around. I'm not used to feeling so negative all the time! I think it's probably due to boredom - I can't seem to really get motivated to do anything that I normally would LOVE to be doing (namely, right now, researching and writing my thesis on a topic I'm super excited about...)

In better news, my mom finally convinced me to organize allll (or... at least most) of my clothes - a majority of my "winter" things are still living in my apartment, which I'll hopefully remember to bring home next time I visit the Cleveland area...

about half of my shoes (too many to fit in one organizer... yikes...)

my tiny closet - organized mostly by color (score one for good ideas)

my new rhinestone sandals... (I mentioned them in my Chicago post)
for some reason, the picture transferred sideways...

Also, my mom and I went today to visit my brother Andrew at Indiana University in Bloomington, IN. It's about a 2.5 hour drive from our house, and it's a really pretty ride through a lot of farms and small towns. We found a new restaurant that none of us had ever been to - it's called Roots, and it is completely vegetarian (or vegan, if you request your meal made that way) and I had some AMAZING polenta with pesto and steamed veggies... I wish I'd thought to take a picture, because it was sooo delicious and colorful.

In chemoland, I've been feeling pretty decent since my Monday treatment - some mild nausea and a few mouth sores, but mostly I've figured out a routine to keep that all under control (unless I do something stupid like forget to take my Kytril - which I did this morning! I'm glad I have my emergency tin of anti-nausea drugs in my purse!) The mouth sores don't suck nearly as much as they did during my first round. I get a little bit of soreness around the bottom and sides of my tongue, but mostly I just get a couple down my throat - which may sound worse, but is actually better since it just feels like having a sore throat.

Finally, I'm really looking forward to helping out with the musical at my little brother's high school (my old school...) They're putting on a production of Blood Brothers, by Willy Russell. Brian will be playing the part of Mr. Lyons - everyone in the Cincinnati area should come out and see him (he's an AMAZING singer!!!). You can contact the Anderson High School Theater Department for tickets (Nov. 19, 20, 21). We'd love to see as many of you there as possible!

Lots of Love,

ps posting this has already made me feel better :-)


  1. Lauren the mood thing is very familiar to me. Especially the part about taking it out on your closest family. It seems to just go with the boredom/discomfort/etc. I wouldn't be surprised if the chemo drugs had some impact as well. Don't beat yourself up over it. Acknowledge it, know it's part of the treatment process. Your people will understand.

    What we're going through sucks. And the duration just enhances the suckiness. If you need a pep talk you're welcome to call. Contact me on PC for phone info.

  2. hey lauren,
    hope you feel better once classes start. sometimes that idle time can really get the best of you, especially if you want to accomplish something and have yet to actually get started.

    glad youre doing well with treatment.

    also, organizing things like closets and rooms can help you feel mentally lighter. hopefully, it helps mucho. stick in there chica :)

  3. you are beautifull! fight and have faith!!

  4. Just wanted to tell you Cute Sandals :)

  5. Have faith indeed..that image made me laugh very hard..funny.

    One Love,

  6. Hi- I am not sure if you know about this or not, but there is something called Magic Mouthwash (prescription) that has Lidocaine in it. It is truly magical!!

  7. Hooray for blogging and dumping some of that bad mood here :)

    Through all of mums treatment I have never seen her in a bad mood, instead I get them all and pass them onto people that piss me off.

    Willy Russell is from my neck of the woods, literally a couple of miles away. So Blood Brothers is very very popular round here. I find it odd that it is being performed in a high school your side of the pond.

  8. Hi Lauren,

    I just wanted to say "hello" and that I can totally relate to the experience of intense moods throughout my own cancer experience, which I am still going through. You are going through something HUGE right now and at least your emotions are moving, not all stuck up inside. The being at home again thing is strange too, at our age, when we were just beginning to get somewhat "on our own" in the world. I also moved back home at the start of treatment. Anyway, I'm also here if you want to chat. :) :) :) Much <3, you're doing great!!