Insomnia (again.... again....)

Hey Guys,

It's 4am here in Cincinnati and I can't sleep. It's about that time in my cycle that the side effects from the steroids start hitting, so I'm a ravenous insomniac. I was thinking about running to the kitchen to grab a snack (maybe that would help?) but I don't want to start night eating!! I'm already eating to the point of stomach aches during the day - I can't imagine how I'd feel if I started eating in the nighttime too... The weird part is that I'm craving a McMuffin. Especially weird because I never, ever eat fast food... (although I did eat half a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese this afternoon...)

I also started getting some vein pain again today - I haven't had any since my last cycle, but I think this is about the time it started up before. Fortunately it only lasts a couple days, but it's such a strange sensation. It feels like my veins are shorter than the rest of my arms or something, and every time I bend my wrists or elbows they're stretching. Although, that makes it sounds a lot more painful than it really is - it's not so bad, I'd compare it to a pulled muscle or something. Irritating, but it's not going to stop me from getting around.

I'm kind of dreading this week a little bit because my counts are expected to drop on Tuesday, so I'm anticipating being stuck at home a lot. My mom and I have plans to go apple-buying at a local apple farm, and I'm really excited about that - plus I want to go see Where the Wild Things Are, so we'll probably do that. Unfortunately, my count usually stay low for a week or so, so I'm probably going to miss Halloween - I'd hoped to be able to get up to Berea or Columbus or something, but I'm hoping maybe Tyler will come down to visit or that James will come over for a fire - I can't even hand out candy if my counts are low! I also feel bad about being home all week because Brian's still pretty sick, and he's stuck in his room all the time so he doesn't "contaminate" the house (so I don't get the flu as well...) I'm hoping he's not getting depressed, and if I can't go to class, that means more time that he has to stay in his room... I hope he feels better soon, because I also want to go see Zombieland with him - no one else in the family wants to see it, so I was hoping we'd get to go some afternoon after he gets home from school.

I should probably get back to trying to sleep - I've just turned Law & Order: SVU on - it's the only thing on this early (late?) with the exception of infomercials and (strangely enough) Cable in the Classroom on MTV. Andrew's radio show starts at 5, so if I'm still up then, I know what I'll be doing!

Lots of Love,
Lauren

Cats, Flies, and Cell Phones

Hey Guys,

What do these three things have in common?

They're all things that kept me awake last night (not for long though - mix a couple tablets of Benadryl with a little Ativan, and I was drowsy and confused in no time...)

There has been a giant fly buzzing around my room for days now, and Winnie, having never had to fend for herself in the wild, does not have the sufficient skills to hunt and trap such a wily insect. So, I still have a giant fly buzzing above my head (as I type, she's bounding around the room, clumsily trying to catch it - still to no avail)

In other cat-related news (as a side note, I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up a crazy cat lady in the next twenty years...) Lily (my little brother's cat) has discovered the super-secret location of Winnie's food container (not-so-cleverly hidden on top of my dresser, which until last night I had thought was basically inaccessible...) and spent the entire night jumping from the foot of my bed to my dresser, attempting to knock the plastic container of cat food onto the floor so she could devour it. My bed is made of iron. My dresser is pretty far away from it. This created a pretty big noise every time she jumped. Agh.

Finally, I love you all, but I do NOT love when my phone keeps ringing in the middle of the night. Texts are fine, but someone (honestly, I'm not even sure who, because it was someone whose number I don't have in my phone) kept calling me in the middle of the night... Not cool...

Anyway, back to the stuff that you're all here for. I don't think I've written about this before, but my doctors are on the lookout for "foot drop" in my walking, which is basically when you start walking weirdly and not bending your feet the right way - it's a long-term side effect of one of my drugs. They're not expecting me to develop it, but are checking early just in case. So last Monday when I went in, Dr. Adams decided she wanted me to take a spin around the oncology hall, just to check on my walking. She had me walk up and down the hallway (pre-access, fortunately - I'm still not very dextrous with the pole...) and I felt like a really bad contestant on America's Next Top Model. If I still had any delusions of a career as a runway model, they're gone now! For those of you who don't know me, I am not a graceful person (my ballet teacher last semester told me that I "make her laugh")

Tomorrow, I'm back in for my rough chemo - Adriamycin, Bleomycin... and something else. I'm blanking. I should probably keep better track of what I'm getting on a given day... The good news is that my appointment is at 7:30am, so I'll theoretically be home before lunch if the nurses get everything started on time (cross your fingers for me!)

Talk to you all soon :-)

Lots of Love,

Lauren

Goodnight :-)

...more insomnia...

Hey Guys,

So I've been really partaking in all of my favorite "forbidden" foods this week. One unfortunate side effect of this is that my body isn't used to caffeine anymore, and the cup of kona I had at 5pm is still keeping me buzzed 8.5 hours later. What a bummer.

My grandparents (on my Dad's side) are in from Montpelier (near Toledo) for the weekend, and it's always fun to see them, especially since we don't get to often. My grandma brings delicious treats, and I was soooo excited that she brough my favorite pecan tarts - bite sized pecan pies that are incredibly delicious and addicting.

I started watching Angels in America tonight with William - I'd never seen it before, but it's AMAZING. I love Mary Louise Parker in Weeds, but this is making me love her even more. One question though - what's with her and the drug theme?? We got through the first segment tonight, and (I can't believe I'm saying this but...) I can't wait for my treatment on Monday, because he's going to bring another segment or two with him and I'm itching to see what happens next.

Also, everytime I get in the shower or take my makeup off, I'm expecting my eyebrows and eyelashes to go (so far, so good...). In preparation for my eyelashes falling out, I've been doing a little research at sephora.com to try and find some nice falsies I can use as a replacement. I really like the extreme variety offered by Make Up For Ever... especially the super crazy ones. Let me know what you guys think - if you all like anything in particular, it might help me make a decision when the time comes.

Lots of Love,

Lauren

ps maybe I could take some makeup advice from Boy George now that I'm bald...

3 am?!?

Hey Guys,

Apparently I have insomnia... it's 3am and the only thing on tv is infomercials and Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? on the Style Channel...

My summer officially began today - my internship is over (which I'm pretty sad about), and now I have almost two months to relax before classes (hopefully) start at UC on September 23rd. I've sent out emails to several professors about taking their classes in the fall, and now I'm just crossing my fingers that everything gets approved and works out the way I'm hoping it will!

This past week was pretty rough - definitely the worst one so far. I had a lot of nausea and joint pain, and I was exhausted most of the time, but I'm hoping that the next one won't be as bad since I'll be able to sleep a lot more and not be working. Also, with the new nausea medicine they gave me all figured out, I'm looking forward to being able to take it before I start feeling sick instead of after. I still don't fell 100% back to normal, but definitely much, much better than I was at this time last week. I actually had to go home early from work one day, which was really disappointing since it was the last week and there was a lot going on.

In better news, the prescription my doctor wrote for the hot flashes FINALLY kicked in, so I'm not sweating profusely and turning bright red every hour, which is awesome... hot flashes really aren't that attractive...

Molly and Dan got married this weekend - the wedding was so beautiful! They got married at Lake Lyndsay in Hamilton, which is about 45 minutes west of my house here in Cincinnati. The ceremony was supposed to be outside, but it rained all day so it was moved into the hall where the reception was being held. Despite the move, everything went really smoothly and the ceremony ended up being perfect and wonderful! I still can't believe that Molly's married! We had a small fiasco at our table when *someone* (me) knocked the cake over while cutting it... fortunately, each table had small individual cakes as opposed to one big fancy cake for the whole reception, so there wasn't too much damage, and not too many people noticed (of course the bald girl has to be the one to cause a scene!)

I should probably get going - now it's 3:17 and my mom just came in telling me that it's after 3am and my light is keeping her awake...

Also, I wanted to remind all you Clevelanders that I'll be in town Monday-Thursday/Friday, so let me know if you're available - I'd love to see all of you! Anyone in Columbus, I'll be driving through late morning on Monday and either Thursday night or Friday morning...

See you soon!

Lots of love,

Lauren

ps Sydney posted this on her facebook today, and I loved it so much I feel the need to pass it along to all of you...

A Beer With Obama